he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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