also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
