sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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