I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Is it because I queefed?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
