just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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