She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
