Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
