i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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