we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
