I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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