Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
