my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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