I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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