peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize