I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
