i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
