I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize