How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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