he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
