i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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