Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
