Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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