Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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