I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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