I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
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