I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
and she was petting her beer can
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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