Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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