Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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