Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
