there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
