Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Randomize