No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
