I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
