I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
