i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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