You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
