Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My dick has a subreddit
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
