I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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