so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
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