it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
