She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I AM VODKA MAN
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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