It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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