glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Floor bacon is actually really good
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