fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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