they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
It's never too late to be topless.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
