I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
