Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
