one two three fourrrrnication!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
