i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
