I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
