I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
