Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
