Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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