I heard we made out
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
