She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
