dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
