She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
