Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
