NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
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