sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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