i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You've changed since you got that strap on
My vagina just clenched in fear
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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