Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
