Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
