Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
