I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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