I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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