My friends, they love my intelligence
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Randomize
