Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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