just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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