I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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