you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
