Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
