sorry about calling you the devil all night.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
