Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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