Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Someone came in the potted fern
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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