i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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