Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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