I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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