Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
