People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
