Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
