I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
