i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
