I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
